Light

I am fascinated by the strength of this light.
It burns through the mirror,
Allowing no image to gather -
No data to align.
It's like fire through paper -
A flame that leaves me blind.

Barb Wired

I covered the sky with barb wire lines
And left my heart beating on the other side.

Pic of the Week: This Too Shall Pass

I'm not going to lie...life changes have got me a bit down right now. Sometimes, it's really hard to cope with change. As much as I love it and I look forward to it, it is exhausting and can be overwhelming.

I feel like writing a poem. I know my poems aren't the best. I rarely take the time to sit down and actually work on one. They come out of my brain sporadically and very rarely do I develop them. Actually, that can transfer to all of my writing endeavors, including these blog posts. I definitely would like to be more disciplined in my writing but today is not the day I will start it.

Instead, I will leave you with this poem, spat out as we speak.

I've got these fragments

That float in my mind;

Parts of wholes that I can't describe.

I see them in the middle, or maybe it's the end;

Words and phrases I've yet to comprehend.

Eyes closed,

I try to see.

But they are gone,

Mere wisps of a scene.

Heart numb.

Mind dumb.

Next time, it will be best to let them be.

Blue Skies, Broken Hearts

Today has been a challenge for me.

I've been learning how to be nice and have compassion for that negative voice inside of me -- you know that one that criticizes everyone and everything and beats you up for simply trying to live?

Instead of letting my irritation build for the past 12 hrs, I decided to practice the art of awareness and the discipline of letting go.

There is a great simple meditation that I like to use where you imagine a clear blue sky and as you become aware of your thoughts, you visualize them as clouds moving through your field of vision. You acknowledge their existence but the thoughts are no longer negative or positive. They are simply clouds, floating on about their day.

Our minds can be our biggest foe or our greatest ally. This past summer, a teacher of mine lent me a book by Sakyong Mipham called Turning The Mind Into An Ally. It went into depth about how the mind is a wild horse that needs to be tamed.

Mine was wild today and I was thrown off constantly. What made a difference though was that I kept getting back on it.

Instead of feeding the criticism and getting mad at myself for even having those types of thoughts, I simply said to myself, "Jillian, you know that voice is not yours but don't beat yourself up about it. Let it say it's piece but don't buy into it. Now, let's move on."

Having patience with yourself is vital to a healthy mind.

I managed to sort through my knitting basket, watch a movie and a half and write a blog post.

Win!

That Life, you know, It's a Trickster

After a year and a half of soul searching, my life has lead me to a registrar job at St. David's emergency room. I cannot even begin to express my excitement. I have no idea what the job is going to be like but I do know intuitively it is where I am suppose to be. That feeling is worth it's wait in gold.

As for photography, I have been experiencing a bit of limbo with it. I have definitely come to terms with the fact that I am not interested in being a working photographer. I could do it, but it is simply not what I want to do and the sooner I can accept it, the more productive I can be.

I've struggled with the thoughts of being a journalist or finding a career in the world of media, but that as well is not of interest. I can see myself working in journalism at some point, but it's obvious to me that it won't be until later in life. So, once again, the sooner I can accept it, the more productive I can be.

My seemingly aimless floating (I say seemingly, because, really, there is always direction) is finally over.

The ER job presented itself to me and I am going to run with it. I am a firm believer that you make the best of what life presents to you. I needed a job. Life said, here is a job. I said, ok life, not what I expected but I am down for an adventure.

We shall see how this goes. It's 3 12-hr shifts, leaving me 4 days a week to work and develop other things. Maybe a successful Etsy business? I think I'm headed in that direction...

And with that I say, cheers to figuring out how to successfully live! Life is filled with one big turn after another.

Life As A Desk

I feel like this is a metaphor for my week.

I consciously decided though that I wouldn't let life get me down. I'm posting a ton of stuff tonight.

Get ready.

Games for Life

A few weekends ago my friend Oscar Silva asked me if I would help shoot the Games For Life this year...and of course...I said yes. =)

Games For Life is one of the most amazing experiences I've had. Nursing homes and assistant living homes come together and compete as as a team against each other. There's wheel chair races, balloon volleyball, a spelling bee, dominoes and arts and crafts. I love the energy it creates. Life is tangible there. I love it.

Here are some my favorites from the weekend. Enjoy!