Blue Skies, Broken Hearts

Today has been a challenge for me.

I've been learning how to be nice and have compassion for that negative voice inside of me -- you know that one that criticizes everyone and everything and beats you up for simply trying to live?

Instead of letting my irritation build for the past 12 hrs, I decided to practice the art of awareness and the discipline of letting go.

There is a great simple meditation that I like to use where you imagine a clear blue sky and as you become aware of your thoughts, you visualize them as clouds moving through your field of vision. You acknowledge their existence but the thoughts are no longer negative or positive. They are simply clouds, floating on about their day.

Our minds can be our biggest foe or our greatest ally. This past summer, a teacher of mine lent me a book by Sakyong Mipham called Turning The Mind Into An Ally. It went into depth about how the mind is a wild horse that needs to be tamed.

Mine was wild today and I was thrown off constantly. What made a difference though was that I kept getting back on it.

Instead of feeding the criticism and getting mad at myself for even having those types of thoughts, I simply said to myself, "Jillian, you know that voice is not yours but don't beat yourself up about it. Let it say it's piece but don't buy into it. Now, let's move on."

Having patience with yourself is vital to a healthy mind.

I managed to sort through my knitting basket, watch a movie and a half and write a blog post.

Win!

That Life, you know, It's a Trickster

After a year and a half of soul searching, my life has lead me to a registrar job at St. David's emergency room. I cannot even begin to express my excitement. I have no idea what the job is going to be like but I do know intuitively it is where I am suppose to be. That feeling is worth it's wait in gold.

As for photography, I have been experiencing a bit of limbo with it. I have definitely come to terms with the fact that I am not interested in being a working photographer. I could do it, but it is simply not what I want to do and the sooner I can accept it, the more productive I can be.

I've struggled with the thoughts of being a journalist or finding a career in the world of media, but that as well is not of interest. I can see myself working in journalism at some point, but it's obvious to me that it won't be until later in life. So, once again, the sooner I can accept it, the more productive I can be.

My seemingly aimless floating (I say seemingly, because, really, there is always direction) is finally over.

The ER job presented itself to me and I am going to run with it. I am a firm believer that you make the best of what life presents to you. I needed a job. Life said, here is a job. I said, ok life, not what I expected but I am down for an adventure.

We shall see how this goes. It's 3 12-hr shifts, leaving me 4 days a week to work and develop other things. Maybe a successful Etsy business? I think I'm headed in that direction...

And with that I say, cheers to figuring out how to successfully live! Life is filled with one big turn after another.

Pic of the Week: Fall Trees

If you know me at all, you know that I love trees.

I went up to Dallas this weekend and the leaves were just starting to change. I love it. I cannot wait to get up there next week during Thanksgiving to photograph them. Autumn is by far the best time in North Texas. I may be a bit biased, but really, with colors like this, how can anyone disagree?

Pepper

Jill grew this pepper.

She is a badass.

That is all.

Hudson - Against The Grain

The stop animation makes me want to eat colored pencils for breakfast. So good!

Pic of the Week: Halloween

The pictures after Halloween are always the best.

Joni Cat

Lights

I took this at the Bright Eyes show a few months ago on my friend's powershot. I like it.

Sandals

These sandals and I travelled many places together. I got them at Old Navy a long time ago for only a few dollars. I thought they were ugly when I first got them but something kept me intrigued.

I wore the hell out of them and the rattier they got, the more I loved them.

I saved them from the trash once. I was up in New York and my uncle threw them away thinking they were garbage. I was pissed. He told me I needed to let them go. I said hell no and I dug them out and put them back on my feet and our romance continued.

I recently donated them to charity. I hope they made it through the screening process but even if they didn't, at least they had a good run.

Yup...these were a good pair of sandals -- one of the best pairs of sandals I've ever owned.

They will be missed.

Charlotte

POD October: Tuesday: 10/25/11

This month has been a month of ups and downs. Trying to figure out how to live is a battle. Oh well...at least I have my camera to help me. =)

Pic of the Day:

10/25/11-10/31/11

I'm learning how to balance myself right now. I'm finding out that it isn't too hard. It just takes practice and things definitely get easier if you put in the work.

Wednesday: 10/26/11

Wind chimes swing and sway,

Light and sound depict the wind.

Where did the day go?

Thursday: 10/27/11

Todd Bot and BB carved pumpkins and toasted the seeds!

Always a classic Halloween activity.

Friday: 10/28/11

I've been really excited about the cooler weather. Some years it feels like it will never come. It's always a relief when it starts to happen.

Saturday: 10/29/11

I had a few monumental successes this month in my journey of quitting smoking. After ten months of not buying packs, I'm finally getting to a place where these don't control me. WIN!

Sunday: 10/30/11

On Sunday, this lady and I got to hang out. Sam White is an amazing woman, friend, photographer and all around bad ass. You can check out her work here. It was so great to see her!

Monday: 10/31/11

Yup...these guys again. We went trick-or-treating again this year and had a blast.

The holiday season has arrived! I hope you're ready!

Clouds